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Better Late than Never: Movies of 2025: Catching Up with Shunji Iwai, Part 3: Based In Part on the Case Files of the Screenings That I Won't Attend This Year Because I'm Too Lazy and Broke, From Which a Certain Movie Was Excluded Because I Was Right, Ha-ha
Part VII: The Penthouse's Bathroom
2025/12/31
While Allen empties his guts repeatedly into the toilet, I'll recount what I've learned this year:
- Jewish movies are in extremis. Their best filmmakers are now retired (Allen, Landis), retarded (Spielberg, Coens, Raimi, Mann, Aster), or deceased (Kubrick, DeMille, Wilder, Lumet, Bogdanovich, Friedkin, Pollack, Wise, Kershner, Siegel, Fleischers), and Ashkenazim have nothing fun, fresh, or challenging to present: just the same old spiels and formulae. If The Brutalist is the best that Hollywood can produce, they may as well just shutter the studios, because it's monumentally bad. For those who've tridigital IQs, they've been outshone by independents and Japanese, then Korean studios for decades. Hang it up, yids. Other than all the capeslop that you misadapted for a quick buck, you've just been flushing cash for years.
- Not only did Shunji Iwai actually make a bad movie, it was torturously awful. And guess who was right about Swallowtail Butterfly when all of Japan was wrong?! If I wasn't, why wasn't it included in the 30th's anniversary's screenings? After all, most of them are happening from January through April of 2026, and Lily Chou-chou packed theaters again! All that filthy slumming doesn't seem so cool in retrospect now that Japan has had a taste of Africa and India, does it?! I wouldn't dare say this to his face, but Iwai, his fans, and the industry that showered him with accolades really blew it 30 years ago. That movie is ridiculous garbage conformable to Tetsuya Nakashima's bullshit.
- As the V/H/S series proves, movies can be both crappy and addictive, like catchy, annoying pop songs.
- Larry Fessenden has his head too far up his politicized ass to make good movies anymore.
- South Koreans these days have abounding talent, but questionable taste. Americanisms and antinatalism are ruining them.
- Iwai reworks and remakes his own material well, but his remakes are never as good as the originals.
- Everybody should probably watch Jiangshi features.
- Sho Aikawa has always been funny.
- Robert Wise directed Star Trek: The Motion Picture over 20 years after he amenaged Run Silent, Run Deep, and those movies have comparable conflicts: a commander (Burt Lancaster/Stephen Collins) who expected to helm a vessel before an experienced senior officer (Clark Gable/William Shatner) commandeers that position. Even if Gene Roddenberry and/or Alan Dean Foster had Run Silent in mind, that's still a notable coincidence.
=]=)< <"Ohhhh....ohhh, man, do not ever chase down putrid viscera of a dead cow and a bunch of fish with five bottles of champagne. God, I'm gonna be sick in the morning. What did I learn? Uhh....well:"
- Making a bad movie is in no way a jailable offense, because if it was, Brady Corbet would've made history and be in prison right now.
- If you haven't watched any American studio pictures in the past decade, you didn't miss much. Well, maybe you missed the opportunity to be annoyed.
Well, that's it. Good night!
© 2025 Robert Buchanan
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